Hey, well whoever it was who posted a comment last entry thanx...and yeah I know your right.  Gosh, why does it feel so difficult though.  Maybe because we were such good friends I don't want to ruin that...especially when he says things like "I can't see you with anyone else."  Truthfully and honestly, I think that words like that tend to drive me away.  I mean if you don't feel it in your heart already...

So he called me today and we talked for a little while.  I didn't say anything.  I think I want to tell him on the phone, but then that's rude and then he has my cd.  I think I want to tell him in person, but I'm afraid to see his reaction.  I wish we could go back to being friends.  Gosh I HATE breaking up with someone!!!   And then everytime we don't talk for a while, my parents are all "where's your boyfriend....did ya'll break up....blah blah blah....la la la...."  ugh...

So let's change the subject...Well Micheal came over, but he just stood at the door.  I was so mad and feared he'd get the guts to come in some more.  I was standing in the kitchen and was thinking about what I should do.  First thought was to go hide somewhere then I got guts and decided I was gonna go slam the door in his fucking face.  Well I walked over there to do it, but he was gone.  I was relieved, but hey I was looking forward to slamming that door.  He was in our driveway now and I slam the door so he would notice.  Grace saw it too so her kids have a problem with making up their minds (they come in and out and leave the door open), but from then on she started screaming at them to close the door.

What else is new?  Umm...Sausha called me today.  Excited...Nope.  I've called her a few times and I was glad that she had finally returned my phone call until the words "Ask your parents if they want to buy some Krispy Kreme donuts" came out of her mouth.  I was mad haha.  I mean, we hadn't really talked in about a month, I've been trying to get a hold of her, she doesn't return my phonecalls, but then basically calls me for money.  So after my mom said nope, the conversation all of sudden gets really really quiet and she's like "umm...so what are you doing?"...anyway and to make it even worse she's over there chillin with Rhonda.  In which, let me just say I have nothing against Rhonda, that is until she was talkin this and that behind my back.  Then she comes and tries to tell me hi...so if you read my VF profile you would know how much I hate that!  So I told Sausha to call me back later and she asked why and I told her flat out that I didn't feel like talking right now so she screamed at me "fine!" and then said bye so...oh yeah I sure do have great friends *cough*cough*

Who cares you know?  Who needs "friends" anyway?!  You know, I don't need friends...I got my blowdryer, my furniture, my bed, my hairbrush...wait no, where is my hairbrush?...my stereo, my pink silky comforter , playboy pillow, playboy blanket, new clothes , cds, tv, internet...Who needs friends ja no?? *avoids eye contact, hides behind my hair*  I need no friends....

"You want to be a bitch I'll show you an even bigger bitch"

So let's see what else is new....ummm...my brother is dating someone who just so happens to be Michelle's best friend or whatever.  Which whatever I don't have a problem with that, she calls to the house alot too.  Well, one day she called and for some reason I felt just really really annoyed...she's like "Manica can you check if your brother is down the street, could you just call him..."  I don't remember what I said I was just really annoyed, I remember telling Carlos though (he was with me) "I can't believe this shit."  I didn't intend to call him but since the neighbors were just standing outside I asked if they knew where he was and they said at the park so I told her.  I don't remember what she was saying but it was just annoying and she was like "well i just saw him, he's right down the street...blah blah" and I was like "okay well he's not around he's at the park"  and she said "oh okay, Thank-you."  Out of annoyance, I hung up.  2 days later, my brother was somewhat laughing and said did she call you and say that I was just down the street?  Then he was like well she wanted me to let you know that it wasn't her it was Michelle.  What the fuck?  I was mad.  One cuz she said she was someone else, 2 cuz I spent all this annoying time on the phone with HER, 3 cuz of the way she was talking to me like sayin my name and asking me things as if she was always talking to me, 4 cuz of the fuckin 2 minute of asslickin she was doing to get to talk to him.  That's fair isn't it to be mad?  Then what else...the fact that she was talkin this and that BEHIND MY BACK and asslickin on the phone let me say again I HATE THAT!  I FUCKIN HATE THAT.  No, don't fuckin call over here again!  I don't want to deal with it and I won't.  You want to be a bitch I'll show you an even bigger bitch...anyway *yawn*  this is so tiring...fustrating...nah not really...but u get the point

I hate being so mean, but then if I'm nice people stomp on me so...you know?

So next subject....I dreampt about Micheal again last night.  Yeah I know...and this time it sucked so bad.  You know why?  Well I was hitting and trying to beat him up but nothing would work.  I was sooooo mad!  So I punched him in the face and that didn't work either.  Nothing I tried was working!  I mean, it's just like the dreams I have....I dream that I'm drunk and I'm trying to mess him up but I can't because I'm so disoriented and I'm drunk.  So wait...this is even worse because I'm not drunk and I still can't do it!  So the last thing I remember in my dream is that he was lying down on the floor.  I stood on top of him and I was so so angry that nothing would fuck him up and so got my leg and was gonna fuckin kick him as hard as I could right in the damn face!  Well, either you might laugh or think that I'm seriously emotionally disturbed because right when I was going to kick him I woke up and I kicked the bottom of my window (where the indent starts for the window to be and at the very tip of it).  So my foot went right in to the point!  Oh gosh it hurt so bad and I did it with so much anger.  Whoa, great way to start my day...

Alright my bitchin is done.  I can smile now ......think happy thoughts....happy thoughts....*flies out the window*